Christian Grey is Closer than You Think

Wellness  / 

I recently went to the movies to see “50 Shades of Grey.”  As a mom of 4 young children, I resisted my natural impulse to walk into the Sponge Bob movie playing next door, and headed instead into the theater showing the soft porn.  Going in, I was sure I would relate to absolutely nothing about this film.  But as I was watching, something felt very familiar to me.  This Christian Grey character, I’ve definitely seen him before.  And then it hit me…

He’s exactly like a toddler! I know it sounds totally crazy but consider this…

Christian’s got a playroom that he really loves, just like a toddler. There are things in his playroom that can cause a lot of pain (ever step on a Lego?) and probably lots of icky germs moms don’t want to think about,  just like a toddler’s playroom (but a little different, of course).

Christian also likes to occasionally bite and hit people, just like a toddler. He likes to take baths like a toddler. 

He loves to strip off his clothes and walk around naked. He like airplanes.  His favorite answers to any question are “I can’t tell you” and “I just do.”  Just like a toddler!

He even told someone “If you were mine you wouldn’t be able to sit down for a week.” And as any mom of a toddler knows, you never sit down with one of those little stinkers running around!

He invites people to sleep over his house. He likes being Mr. Bossy pants. And he just loves playing with ice cubes.  Just like a toddler!

Sometimes he even fiddles with his little thingy, just like a toddler.

In fact, if I really wanted to see a movie about a troubled man who is loved despite his bad behavior, I probably should have headed into the Sponge Bob movie.

But before you think the whole point of “50 Shades” was lost on me, I did go home and tell my husband that I wanted to try something new and exciting that night.

So we ordered in Indian food and fell asleep on the couch.

Laters baby.

Jacqueline Goldschneider is a freelance writer and a mother of four living in Bergen County

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