It sounds like the plot of a Lifetime movie – newborn babies accidentally swapped at the hospital and handed off to the wrong mothers before nurses realize the mistake and swoop in to stop a nursing mom who's been feeding a child who isn't hers. But despite modern-day technology, it actually happened in real life, right here at a Bergen County hospital just six months ago to Montvale resident Melissa Richman. And while the mistake was rectified quickly, the incident has had a domino effect on the family, with Melissa claiming it has interfered with the bonding process, her new baby's health, and shaken her confidence. Here, Melissa shares her story.
Tell us a little bit about yourself and your family
We are a new family of 5. We have lived in Montvale, NJ for the last 5 years and moved here to be close to family. David and I (Melissa) have 2 boys, JT who is 8 and Robbie who recently turned 5. We also have a new addition, Scarlett, who is now 6 months old.
Share with us in as much detail as you can, from your perspective, what happened the day you delivered your baby at Valley Hospital.
On the day I went into labor, I drove myself to the hospital after feeling a little weird. I had never gone into labor with my boys. I had been induced with my older son, which resulted in a C-section delivery and a scheduled C-section for my second son. I was due with Scarlett on October 14th, 2016 so I didn’t think I would go into labor. Shortly after arriving at the hospital they told me to call my husband because I was having this baby today! They took me into the OR at 3pm and Scarlett was born 3:31pm. However, they took Scarlett immediately out of the OR and continued to work on me. I knew a lot of time had passed but didn’t know much of what was going on. It turned out to be a very complicated surgery and all I can say is I am eternally grateful to be here and forever thankful to my doctor who did what many doctors could not have done and ultimately saved my life. I was reunited with Scarlett and my husband 3 hours later in the recovery room. This is where I began nursing her for the first time.
At which point did you realize the baby that was given to you was not your baby but in fact belonged to someone else? What did the hospital staff say and do? How much time passed before you found out?
By the time we got into our room it was almost the next day. I was not feeling well because of all the unexpected medication from my prolonged C-section. We made the decision that it would be best to send Scarlett to the nursery for the evening in hopes to get some rest. The nurses promised to bring her to me every 2-3 hours, as it was very important to me that I have the opportunity to breastfeed her. They brought her to me for the first time around 1am. It was dark in the room and she was swaddled in one of the hospital blankets and had a white onesie on under it with a hospital newborn hat. The lights where off and the nurse put Scarlett on me to help with the positioning. I never thought much of it that they never checked any IDs as I was exhausted, and like any mom who had just given birth, I trusted the nurses to care for me and my newborn child. I woke up on my own around 4 am and called the nurse to have her bring me Scarlett. Half an hour went by and she still hadn’t brought her to me. So I called again. I was told that she had been spitting up so they were waiting for her to calm down before bringing her to me so I could nurse her again. She assured me I would have her in the next 15 minutes. Someone eventually brought her to me around 5am and helped me position her properly. About 15 minutes into the feeding there was a knock on the door. The door opened and it was a nurse that I didn’t know with my regular nurse trailing behind her visibly upset. The new nurse introduced herself as the head nurse and asked me for my full name. I gave it to her and she came around the bedside and said “ I need you to stop nursing the baby and hand her to me immediately!” I handed the baby to the nurse and it felt like a lifetime before she said “ There has been a terrible mistake, this is not your baby.”
How did you feel at that moment when you found out? What emotions did you go through?
I had many worries running through my head, but mostly I was scared that Scarlett had been fed by somebody else. Scared that I could get sick from this unknown baby that I had just nursed. Scared that other mistakes had been made. Scared that they didn’t really know which baby was mine. Then everything I was scared about eventually turned into becoming upset. Upset that they didn’t do something so simple like check the ID bracelet either at 1am or at 5am. I am still not sure I nursed the right baby at 1am. Upset that they allowed that nurse who made this senseless mistake back in my room visibly distraught. I felt like her presence didn’t allow me to have my own reaction. Upset that when we reached out and complained about the lack of care following this ordeal, the response was “I am sorry. It’s the weekend staff”. Upset that no one ever really apologized without negating it with words like “I’m sorry but you should never take a baby from a nurse without them checking the ID” or “I’m sorry but it’s no big deal, they do this in 3rd world countries all the time.” Upset that in the days that followed, nurses continued to attempt to make the same mistake by handing us our baby without checking the IDs. Upset that after a very serious 3-hour C-section, I was left alone in the shower, in agony, barely able to walk or stand, with no help. Upset that no one ever said “I’m so sorry this happened, how can we make the rest of your hospital stay comfortable for you.” In fact, following this horrible, traumatic experience, we were left feeling like they didn’t really care, like this kind of thing happens all the time, and at least we got our baby back and no one died. This kind of mistake leaves one feeling very violated and extremely, emotional. No one ever even offered help with the grief and emotions that followed.
Did you have any interaction with the other moms whose baby was given to you after you found out?
No. We asked many times to meet her and were told either she wasn’t available, or that they would find out and get back to me – which they never did, or that she was no longer there. I would have loved to meet her if for no other reason than to put her mind at ease and to find out if she had nursed our baby.
Where was your baby when all of this was happening?
We have no idea. We asked many times and were told many times someone would come and speak to us but then no one really answered our questions. In fact, they decided it was so unimportant they didn’t even document it in 1,000 pages of medical notes. Not one mention of the entire baby switch in 1,000 pages.
What did the hospital staff explain to you for causing the mix-up?
Again, we were not given any explanations or proper apologies.
Did your baby and the other baby not have the correct ID bracelets?
Although no one actually gave us an exact explanation, we somehow came to the conclusion that our babies’ ID bracelets where correct and that it was the nurse who just took the wrong baby to the wrong mother. Upon leaving the hospital, we felt concerned about whether the correct ID bracelets were on our child. In all honesty, we felt concerned about the entire ordeal, so we ordered a DNA test to ensure we left with the right baby. Overall, this was a very emotional experience.
How did you feel after your baby was finally given to you?
I was scared I still didn’t have the right baby. Scared about the consequences of such a careless mistake.
Was your baby affected in any way at that point in time? Was your bonding experience with your baby different than with your other 2 children as a result of what happened?
Absolutely this bonding experience was different! One of the most upsetting parts of the whole ordeal was when we finally got the DNA tests back weeks later, I cried on and off for days because I suddenly realized in the moment that I had proof she actually was mine and that I really hadn’t allowed myself to bond with her at all. I guess my natural protective instincts kicked in and wouldn’t allow me to fully fall in love with my sweet girl until I knew she was definitely mine. It is still traumatic and emotional. I loved her – don’t get me wrong – I just didn’t have the same immediate bond with her those first few weeks that I had until I had proof she was mine. It was a very unintentional thing. I wasn’t even aware of it until I felt the shift afterwards. The shame that comes with knowing that I didn’t connect with her the same way as my boys those first few weeks – that will stay with me forever.
Did you deliver your previous 2 children at Valley Hospital? How was that experience?
No, my boys where delivered in Stamford, CT and this was not my experience at all. I had a wonderful experience with both of my boys, great nurses and great care.
Now that time has passed and your baby is older, has this experience affected your baby in any way? How are you handling things emotionally?
I was unable to continue nursing which I personally believe is best. My daughter lost out on my colostrum and when we came home from the hospital, Scarlett had a terrible infection. It is proven that a mother’s colostrum can help build strong immune systems and fight off infection. Scarlett is on two special medications and special formula, which we believe would not be necessary if I was able to nurse. I blame this on my inability to nurse her. I have good days and bad days. I am crazy in love with my girl and yet extremely disappointed in our experience, those first few days and the consequences that have followed. It’s very hard for someone like me who always wants to see the best in people to accept that such a careless mistake could be made and no responsibility taken. I just don’t understand how something like this could happen and how an institution such as Valley Hospital could make this kind of mistake and not even document it. It’s atrocious.
What made you make the decision to sue Valley Hospital for what happened? Why go public with this? What was your main motivation?
Our main motivation was and is to protect other moms from having a similar experience. Mistakes happen, we all make them, and yet, like I tell my children, it is most important to learn from our mistakes, to take responsibility for them, to own them and ensure they never happen again. Valley Hospital took no responsibility for this horrible mistake and instead tried to blame me for not making sure the nurses did their job. I want to make sure other moms-to-be understand this kind of mistake can happen, even at a hospital like Valley. I want to share my story because even if it helps one mom out there than it was worth it.
Has there been any negative feedback regarding your experience? How has this made you feel?
If you had asked me before all of this happened, would I know my baby, I would have said instantly yes. However, after a 3-hour C-section, lots of medication and exhaustion I can tell you… this can happen to anyone! I think reading that people thought something was wrong with me for not knowing my baby from another was the most upsetting part. I am a good mom and that kind of statement is just ignorance talking. Of course there has been negative feedback, but for every negative comment, it is outweighed by 10 positive comments. I choose to surround myself with positive people who know our family and know our motivation comes from a purely positive place. It never feels good to have people not understand or be negative. Putting myself out there and sharing our story has been an extremely difficult decision and yet I believe if we help stop this from happening ever again, it was the right one. I know this story has touched many people and one patient, who was at Valley when we initially went public, reached out to me via Facebook and thanked me…that makes it worth it!
Do you find that your unfortunate experience can help other moms become more aware that this can happen to anyone? How? Are you being proactive in other ways to education parents?
Absolutely. I think we can always learn from each other’s experiences. I have nothing to hide. I am not embarrassed by what happened in any way. I did nothing wrong. I went to the hospital to have a baby. I trusted the hospital to take care of my newborn and me in a time of vulnerability, they failed me! In the end, we are all part of the same team and we should all be supporting each other.
Is there anything else you would like to share with our readers?
I think I just want everyone to know that we come from a good place and we hope our story makes a difference.
